Mondays are preeeeettttttty ghey. If im being honest. Thank the lord above they go fast. I feel anyway. Modays used to be amazing. A.k.A. Brothers and Sisters would be on T.V. Now? Nudding worth watching. Sad, Sad times.
Ive been feeling weird today. Real weird. Like I havnt been feeling the pain the last three days have been filled with. I dont know why. Well I sorta do.
I met up with *** last night. I dont really know why. And to be honest, I could see more reasons not too meet up with him, then too. But as I said in the below post, been hurt, really whats the worse that can happen? I guess I saw/heard how much he wanted me in his life. Not like that. But friends. No doubt in my mind it will be hard. And im still unsure. Im pretty wary. Like I think he thinks it will just go back to the way it was. Us being as comfortable as we were around each other, hanging out quiet a bit etc. And I just think realistically, it wont be like that. Lets be honest, history will always be there. Feelings that were had, will still linger. Feelings that were hurt, will still linger. For a little bit at least. Im not putting a date and time on it, If i wake up tomorrow and am over it- So be it. I would actually love that. But if in a months time, we have been hanging out and It just feels weird and I decide I cant really do it and to move on, I need to move- So be that.
I was reading something today (dont worry, not a self help book or anything retarded like that), and it said that when someone ends something with someone, its because they want a sense of freedom. So let them have that freedom. Let go. It kinda made me think about my own situation. I dont wanna feel like im restricting anyone from anything. I dont wanna be someones shackles or ball and chain. Regardless of the cliche about woman. It made me wonder if thats what he wanted. If he felt trapped. I mean I know I was quiet a demanding girlfriend. Dont get me wrong im not going to sit here and try and pick on myself and be too hard on myself-Id literally be kicking myself whilst down- but that line got me thinking. But if he wanted the freedom, why is he still wanting to be friends? If freedoms really whats being desired, embrace the new found freedom that he should be feeling and let me slide. Maybe im being a bit to black and white about it.
All I know is that im just going to take this slowly and do me for a while. Being single with my head held high. haha, lame.
Hes innitating to hang out more now then when we were together. So freaking odd. I guess every situation is different, designer, one off etc etc.
Day by Day is all ill say.
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