I feel like through alot of sleep, talking shit out and making lists im sorta maybe kinda making small steps to getting through my current situations.
Apart from my "friend" still fucking me over daily, i guess im learning to deal with it a bit better. I already feel great making the choice not to drink.
Oh and i might have a styling Job lined up. I met this local designer who hopefully will be kean to get me on board. So hopefully thats how ill be spending my spare time.
I gotta start getting more agressive with people that i meet, taking up oppertunities etc. Kinda nice to do something local aswell. And the fabrics he makes with look amazing.
i guess its about starting to make some good healthy and productive decisions. I dont wanna feel like im missing out on life and what matters and makes me happy because of temporary bullshit.
Im quite please with HNHH at the moment too. Some good jams. Ive been loving the latest Roots selection. Wonder if there putting out a new album? also went to the libarary this morning. And I kinda miss the library . I used to just go to study and listen to music. Maybe ill go to listen to music and read fashion mags and get inspired. Im excited.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Dissapointment
I dont know if ive ever felt as much dissapointment as I do right now.
Im completely lost as to how everything just came spiralling down.
I found out that a good friend of mine (one of my "best" friends), has been stealing from me. In more ways then one. Monatary but also my belongings. Including one of my 21st gifts from my parents. I thought it was stolen from a stranger, but this is not the case.
Theres so much other stuff going on right now that I cant even focus on where I want to be. I am too focused on the little things that are fastly becomming the big things that are consuming my life. And its annoying, because its out of my control. These are things that other people are doing to me, and im spending my whole time trying to dig myself out of this hole that people are putting me in.
I think ive learnt one thing, you never truely know who your true friends are. Or more or less , no matter how close or distant people have the ability to fuck you over. theres my friends since birth, that would never dream of doing the things that people who have recently (Over the last two years) have done to me. I could never fathem doing these things to them, but apparently its acceptable to do to me. I feel its robbing me of my dreams. I now cant move to melbourne probs until next year now. And Wellington is just too small for me, its so depressing. And now with the recent loss of friends, It really just feels like a deep dark hole.
I used to not trust men, now i dont trust anyone. Its so dissapointing. Im also not going to drink for a while. Im taking a break. Im going to go on a bit of a road trip, maybe by myself. Clear my head. Also, spend my time doing something worth while.
Ps. Think things maybe ending with this boy. I hope not. Hes really the only person i enjoy spending time with at the moment. Like apart from a few people, but i guess its different with THE boy you know? Time will tell. I hope hes patient with the fact that im going through alot of shit. Its just dumb that all this shit is going down so early on in whatever we are. It must be exhausting to hear about or go through with someone. Spesh for such a drama free guy. I hope its all ok. Hes kinda part amazing.
Just needed a vent.
UGH!
Im completely lost as to how everything just came spiralling down.
I found out that a good friend of mine (one of my "best" friends), has been stealing from me. In more ways then one. Monatary but also my belongings. Including one of my 21st gifts from my parents. I thought it was stolen from a stranger, but this is not the case.
Theres so much other stuff going on right now that I cant even focus on where I want to be. I am too focused on the little things that are fastly becomming the big things that are consuming my life. And its annoying, because its out of my control. These are things that other people are doing to me, and im spending my whole time trying to dig myself out of this hole that people are putting me in.
I think ive learnt one thing, you never truely know who your true friends are. Or more or less , no matter how close or distant people have the ability to fuck you over. theres my friends since birth, that would never dream of doing the things that people who have recently (Over the last two years) have done to me. I could never fathem doing these things to them, but apparently its acceptable to do to me. I feel its robbing me of my dreams. I now cant move to melbourne probs until next year now. And Wellington is just too small for me, its so depressing. And now with the recent loss of friends, It really just feels like a deep dark hole.
I used to not trust men, now i dont trust anyone. Its so dissapointing. Im also not going to drink for a while. Im taking a break. Im going to go on a bit of a road trip, maybe by myself. Clear my head. Also, spend my time doing something worth while.
Ps. Think things maybe ending with this boy. I hope not. Hes really the only person i enjoy spending time with at the moment. Like apart from a few people, but i guess its different with THE boy you know? Time will tell. I hope hes patient with the fact that im going through alot of shit. Its just dumb that all this shit is going down so early on in whatever we are. It must be exhausting to hear about or go through with someone. Spesh for such a drama free guy. I hope its all ok. Hes kinda part amazing.
Just needed a vent.
UGH!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Hard bloggin
Slash Hardley bloggin.
Been busy.
I said Goodbye to my best friend last weekened. So super sad. Shes in China. Im so jealous/Happy for her. But I miss her. Shes sent me a few emails, and I almost get a bit teary just reading it!!!! Gosh. Life. Tis such.
Not sure if she checks this or not, But i miss you xx.
Whats been going on in my hood? Shesh, not much. Been spending quite a bit of time with my work mates, which means drinking and fun times. Been making lots of soups (homemade), the ish. Spent the weekend with this boy, that i thinks kinda cool. And am spending the week indoors, making soups and catching up with friends. Hopefully indoors, at my house. Im feeling a bit sick today. I pumped up on multis so hopefully it effs off.
this is a real boring post. Ill letchu know as soon as something exciting happens in my life.
I wanna go on a road trip.
Buy lots of clothes online.
Get my hair cut.
Give birth to money. So i can have the above things.
OUTTIES.
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