Over thinking my thoughts that have already been over thought by some over thinking

Good freakin' Lord. I am one complicated human being. I always think that Im the biggest worryier, the biggest 'reader inner' to things, the biggest freak ever. I hate more then anything being like this. All girls are. I just pride myself on not being like every other girl. I guess the chromosomes plays a huge part to blame. DAMN IT SCIENCE! Must we be so emotional? I think all girls are the same in this respect. And if any girl tells you different- shes a man.

Take the most recent example in my life. My ex boyfriend. He just loves making features in this place dosnt he?! Fuck my life. So we have been good. We still overstep the line of friends and more then friends, but I know whats up. I of course still love him and have feelings for him. So I know, I know. I am looking like a REAL idiot right now. I have said up until this point, that I am open to dating or meeting people etc. Ive come to realise that maybe Im not. Just yet. Or ever. havnt decided. But I have seen this guy a couple of times, and man he just pissed me off. Ive kinda had the following thoughts about it;

- we are just NOT right for each other

- I dont like being chased (thats not a normal girl thing)

-I dont like being asked a lot of questions

- Im not ready for anyone

- Im not ready for him

- Im still inlove with someone else therefore no one else measures

- I will never be in love with anyone else

- Fear of being inlove and it turning to shit

- The order in which things with this person happened isnt right

- I cant be bothered

Boys are such a hassell. I honestly dont have the energy. After my ex takes up all my energy (Hes blissfully unaware no doubt), I feel exhausted. I cannot even deal with this other one thats proving to be fairly full on. I dont want to be with someone for the sake of being with someone. Why do I still hold hope for me and my ex?? I know im being foolish. I know. The only person who truefully knows about this stuff, who wont judge me is my best friend. Only because shes in the same prediciment. We actually just look at each other and are like "where idiots right?" in agreence"yup". That is so true. How come I cant quit it? I still want him in my life, and we both have talked about having babies one day, hes said he sees himself with me oneday. blah blah. What happened to my boss bitch side? fuck my life. Seriously. I need to get away from it all. Im thinking about deleting my facebook, and throwing away my phone. In all seriousness. More so around my facebook, not so much my phone- that bad boy cost money honey!

I guess I just ideally would want the following:

= For my ex to turn around and say that he has pulled his act together and he wants to be with me.
= For the person I am meant to be with to come along, and we dont have to go through the dating stage, but go through the cute is he into me? Omg hes my boyfriend, holy shit im in love. WHAT. A . CATCH. Stage.

peace x