Hailing.

Im sitting on my couch watching my deck feel pathetic.
Its bucketing down with hail, and it looks so pretty on my deck and I feel like such a sooky bitch. But I feel so lonely. I was watching 'Going the distance' Dvd, and I cried twice. I have no idea why im so emotional at the moment. I was watching this movie, and seeing the typical movie/hollywood love and I cried because I feel like I will never have that or I dont deserve to have that. I once apon a time wished for that, and now I kinda feel like im being made to feel like I shouldnt expect that. Its un reasonable to have that all the time, I realize that. It would just be nice for someone to tell me that they appreciate me and how they truly felt about me. Sober. I wish that on this night, where the weather is so disgusting, that there would be someone wanting to share it with me. Reality check? I don't. I havn't even heard from the one that is suppose to be wanting to do that. Guess that means the want isn't really there. This. Feels. Awesome.
Right now I just feel unworthy and very lonely and hurting. I wish so badly that my happiness relied solely on myself, But I don't think anyone can remain unaffected by how people treat them- regardless.