The dissapointment from people right now almost seems too much to handle. Mixed with the dissapointment from myself, makes it borderline unbareable. I feel so hurt. Completely offended. And basically I wish that I could just dissconnect myself from the world that I, personally, live in and am involved in . Im not happy. And If I could give myself advice, which of course , its always easier to give to someone else, I would say "Do what makes you happy" unfortunately for me right now- I really dont know what that is. How do I find what makes me happy? More then ever I wish I didnt rely my happiness on human beings. Because they dont do anything but dissapoint. If everyone does what makes them happy, that dosnt make everyone happy right? But it kinda feels like that is what everyone is doing, and im the one thats not happy. People will always have there own agenda and sometimes you just dont fit into it or your not even considered. I think thats the hardest thing, not being considered. I would say that there are certian events in my life that have lead me to feel this way. The people closest to me are the ones who I feel this from the most. I kinda wonder why God has thrown me these people in my life. I always thought I was a firm believer in the whole "Everything happens for a reason", Lately Ive been testing this theory. I guess the whole thing is that you will never know. I still believe that immense growth comes from certain things that are placed in your life, I guess that includes people. I think it kinda sucks that my growth depends on my relationships with people. Because it goes back to relying on someone to make you either feel a certain way, or do certain things. What a contemplating little mind I have.
But yeah, Not so happy at the moment with how some people in my life treat me. Such a downey.
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