Wild.

This weekend was intense. SO intense. I dont even think I can start to write down some of the things that took place. When I tell people about the weekend, I leave out certain things. I kinda think its fun that way. I did what I did, with the people who were there. That was our moment. And its fun to just look at that person (aka My cousin) and just giggle and know exactly what went down. So it was 7's weekend in Wellington. I love the atmosphere! Its so fun. Contagious. And I was drunk and hung over the whole weekend. I feel that 7s is the only exception for that.
I did have so much fun. Like I really did. But you know what its like, when you drink HEAPS over the weekend, you just get a little bit downey the following days? Yeah - Me.
I met up with my ex last night. Just to catch up etc - We are still friends. Man I havnt talked about him in ages actually. When I say friends, we kinda went through a period of "seeing where things go" but not seeing anyone else? That prolly dosnt make a lot of sense. But anywhoo. We ended that last week, and I immediately felt SO happy. Like beyond. Things just were not working, I felt like finally I was standing up for what I wanted aswell. He basically called the talk, I was going to do that, but give it a week, but I got what I wanted to say out. Finally.
Simple, I wanted him in my life. And thats what I was most scared about, that he would be like "see ya" . Its weird though, I kinda feel like when we first ended things, he was quite concerned about not being in my life. I didnt overly get that this time. He told me he contemplated it, which is kinda hurtful in itself, I mean, I do gotta try and not read into that, everyone has there rights to weigh up there options. And he decided against right? Guess so. I feel a little bit on edge, Like he can piss me off etc, and he knows I wont walk away. Yet, Its not really going the other way? I dunno, I dunno, that might not be the case. But its weird. Like I havnt missed him , in that way. And then we hung out last night, and then I saw something on facebook, and now im like , hmmmm 1 ) Kinda frustraiting we didnt work. 2) Why am I pissed off that your kissing some bitch ? I more pissed off that its your facebook profile picture. SO little, and SO stupid- probs. But why does it make me feel uneasy? I dont know. Obviously feelings dont go away over night. Its just that whole seeing him with someone else. Maybe it will always trip me up. Maybe it will take time. I dont know.
My friend was talking to me about it on friday night. He said somethings that were kinda hurtful about the situation. I know it was comming from a good place. But It still hurt my feelings. I didnt raise it as an issue, and I wont. Ill just try and forget about it. I guess im kind of tired of feeling guilty. Whatever choices I make, I seem to dissapoint someone. He basically had a view on how I should be reacting/path I should be taking from this situation, and I have my own view= Dissapointment from him. Its just annoying. I feel like I need a fresh start, Meet some new people, Hard in a city you have been living in for 23 years!
Im still feeling pretty positive, even though I feel a bit ick at the moment.