Right now, I feel a flood of feelings. I feel like I cant wait to go on an overseas adventure and then I feel that I should save my 12g for something like a house or business that I want to own. Maybe thats something I should do when I get back. Save. Save. Save. Story of my lifetime. I know that this is something most people my age dont really think about, But I think theres something empowering and modern about a woman working towards having some serious collateral.

I feel weird weird feelings towards my friends and family right now. I feel like I maybe dont want to be around any of them, but then I want to be around someone all the time. Conflicting emotions that I will never have a resolution for. My family? I am seriously coming to a point where I dont even want to go home. I have a serious issue with my Dads wife. Shes basically a bitch, who I would love to serve. But alas, this is not lady like/ Dad would be upset, so I refrain. This will only last so long. My patience is wearing thin.
Friends? Im so over making an effort. I know I have harped on about this before. I was talking to my Dad, he was saying that I need to expand my horizions with friends. Its not that I want a complete overhaul of them, no way. I do love my friends. I said to my Dad " I just feel so mental sometimes, and really highly strung compared to them. Like I feel Im just not as casual as them, And I want to be casual, I dont like to feel the hurt that my friends never intended to give, its too much. And it makes me not want to have anyone in my life at all, because I feel that hurt and dissapointment so easy". My Dad basically told me, that because I was mostly raised by a man (him), that I need to take some of that "Guy" mentality on board, and just chose not to give a fuck and that whatever emotions I chose to feel, is a choice. Thats the challenge. To not be so sensey. I swear I havnt always been like this. Maybe I have. And im just realising.
Then I get those extreme thoughts like gees, If I can see my mentalness, other people must want to put me in a padded room. Who would want that in someone?
Any way, thats what im trying to focus on. Will it matter in two years? let it go. But then I dont wanna be walked over.

I think right now, Im really wanting someone to want to spend time with, as much as maybe, I might want to spend with that someone.