I was thinking the other day, man the people that read/stumble/ stalk this blog must think that im the biggest sap, the biggest crazy, the most up and down person thats round this town.
As much as I dont really care what people think about me, I sort of do if its the above things.
I thought about who knew the web address, who could find out the web address etc.
I also thought about when I first started writing this blog. The thing is right? I have about 6 years worth of journals hidden in my room. From when I was about 14 years old until I started this blog. Who has ever read those journals? no one. I have read parts of it to certain people, but never ever freely would I give these journals to anyone. If I died tomorrow my friend is on strict instructions to bust my door down in my room and grab them and not let anyone see them. Especially my family. My Dad in particular. A lot of things in there would break his heart. My journey has been a strange one, and I think this one friend will get it. There will still be things in there that would shock her, but I wouldnt be judged. ANYWAY, so it got me thinking about this blog and how I never used to give a shit about what I wrote because I wrote it knowing that no- one read it. And either I drunkenly give the address out, or just give it out, drunkenly read parts of it etc. UGH - im so stupid- I want to get back to writing like no one will ever read it. I dont want the thought that someone will read it and judge or say something to me about it. Like its my diary dude, if you dont like it sweet, forget the http bitch. I use this for therapy, Its my outlet. So I really dont care what I sound like, In ten years time I will look back and judge myself, or I will say that I had valid feelings for that time, and look where I am now- good job. So things have been really honest up until now, but they are about to get a lot more honest. Go'head.
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