Its also couple effin central up in this mother.
I have always found Sundays THE most lonely day of the week. I love part of my ritual on a Sunday, our family lunches. Then the fam goes off and do there own thing, and im just like hmmm... what do I do with myself? I usually come home, tidy my room and just spend some alone time. Which is good for me, but shesh, Ive had a lot of one on one time with myself lately. Maybe I need some new friends. I would say that if I had more money come a non pay week sunday, I would have more freedom. But what would I even do with my paper?? honestly. I love Wellington, but sometimes/most of the time its boring.
And you know how like it dosnt matter where you are in the world if you have your friends and family its fine? Don't feel like that right now. Its got me weighing up the good and the bad in my life, what needs to go, what needs to stay. I honestly, don't have time to be bothered with a lot of people in my life at the moment. I feel pretty bad having this bitch and whine. But if im going to be completely honest, I still very much feel like I do in the below post.
Im tired of just drinking with my friends etc etc. Im really over it. But alas, there is occasions coming up that cause me to continue to ride this annoying roller coaster. I drunk once this weekend, and I was in bed around 12. I was so hung over yesterday I thought I was going to throw up my stomach. I couldn't even hold down water. It was terrible.
But any way, I guess I just want someone to be like "Lets go over to the Wairarapa for the day?", "Lets go find some random paddock and lie in it" . I feel like if anyone was to suggest these things, its me. And then I just have to deal with whoever is down or not. AKA wait for people to bail. Its fucking exhausting. And I just get so disappointed.
Like for example, just got a txt from my friend who said that she was at a photo exhibition, I would have been totally down. But didn't get an invite. And she would be the first person to get pissed off if I had an amazing idea and left her out. See my annoyance? How much can one person take. I think from here on out, Im not going to suggest anything. Maybe just leave it and see how long it takes for someone to initiate something and include me.
Don't mean to feel all sorry for me, but I take it personally. Maybe I am emotionally immature in this sense. And I shouldn't take things personally, but I really don't know how not too.
I take it personally in the sense that it really makes me question the value that I have in these peoples lives. I mean I don't want anyone to bow down to me, and have it be all about me, I just don't like feeling like Ive been taken advantage of. I feel/hope I contribute to people and the friendships I have. I like to make my friends lives easier for them, but I feel in doing that, it truly makes mine a lot harder. Is that part of it?
Just definitely feel like if I made no effort no one would. period.
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