OK OK OK...SO, recently (as in the last couple of days) I have decided to see how long I can stay sober for. So far? One weekend down. Reason? too many. Start from the top? okies.
1) Im embarassing. Do crazy shit, thats beyond normal people drunk.Recently, nearly got the cops called on me (im not going into details),being brutally honest with people when its completely uncalled for and just generally being a pain in the ass.
2) Pissing off people I love and care about and having them justify my drunkeness to others (constant apologies on my behalf). Nothing I say or do is EVER intentionally to hurt them but sometimes it ends up that way. And im sick of apologising the next day and even putting them in the position in the first place. Dont get me wrong, it has been good in the sense that somethings i have said to certain people, needed to be said but i just didnt have the balls to say it, so alcohol has given me that courage to get some stuff off my chest. But hmmm could come across as cowardly. But i just choke up, when honesty talks have to come about.
3) My body. Poor thing. Has taken a sivere beating. From falling over to excessive alcohol consumption. It needs a break. I look like a 10year kid, who is going through the wars, minus the innocence of it all.
4) When i dont go to town, im like "what the heck do i do with myself"..... And i never wanted to get to that stage. Its sad and pathetic. Like what? Is this all there is to life? DOUBT IT! not on my life clock. So im doing things that i should do and that i wanna do . Being feircely independant.Hanging out with people who I havnt seen in ages, spending quality hang over free time with people and doing productive things ie. This, work for work, research and just generally getting on with LIFE!
Dont get me wrong. Im not saying that I wont ever go out again,and that im going to be sober for the rest of my life or anything. Im not putting a time on it. Im just taking it day by day, seeing how i feel about it. Ill re-evaluate by the end of each week as to wether i feel like drinking or not. But to be honest, the above reasons not to drink, are putting me off a drop. Im not one of those girls who can have a couple and no when to stop. HONESTY TIME. Im not. I go the whole nine yards and sometimes more.I dont drink pussay drinks either.So ive realised this weakness in myself and just wanna do everything in moderation :) After all , isnt that the key for life? Whatever. Just doing me.
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